the beach

There is something special about a beach. It has always triggered me in some ways that other things can`t. It`s a place, where peace comes to me and finds me, and not me looking for it in every corner. I love the world and its nature and I often feel amazed by forests, meadows and even by little towns or big beautiful cities. But nothing of it speaks to me more than a beach. And somehow beach has been around me most of my life. My whole life I`ve had a summerhouse very close to the beach, where I`ve spent most of my summers when I was a kid. The beach was a party-spot and meeting point to enjoy some time with friends and play some beach volley a little. When I moved to Denmark, the first two years I was living close to the beach and had an escape there every time I missed home in Latvia or felt alone. The beach was bringing me up and refreshing me every time I came close to it. And so now again I live one refreshing run away from the beach. And it is my temple of peace and thinking. The beach definitely opens me up a lot. Like today...

I wanted to sit a little on the little pier in the sea and just get lost in the surrounding. But there was one man sitting in my favorite spot of the pier - the very end of it, where it feels like you`re sitting in the middle of the sea, with the sandy beach behind you and in front of you - nothing but deep blue fields of sea. When I was closing - he scooched to a side to make me a spot beside him. When I asked if I can sit there, he said he doesn`t speak English or Danish. And showed me a dictionary of Danish-Polish. So I tried to remember my long unused skills of Russian and so did he. So we started a simple conversation. He was a 53 year old man, recently moved to Denmark. And so I sat beside him, at the end of a pier a few meters in the sea. Our conversation was partially based on distorted Russian language, combined with some Polish words, some English expressions and a lot of hand communication. But nevertheless, we had a simple, interesting and even funny conversation. The most interesting part was when he took out of a pocket a portable spyglass and told me that he often comes to the beach, sits there and looks at the ships in the far with his spyglass. Just like that - sitting there maybe for hours, watching one ship after the other, sometimes a regatta passing by, sometimes a cargo ship or a big cruiser. He told me about his sons and his friends around the world and I told about my hopes and my journey so far. It was simple, but true and just... good. And when we left each other to go the opposite directions, we both just smiled, shook hands and wished the other a nice day. It was so easy - the whole experience with him - and yet so charging and just nice. It really reminded me that there are some people in the world who would listen to you just because you have something to say. And that is so important to know sometimes! That there are people listening to you! That you have something worth telling, as minor as it can be. But it is YOUR story and it`s the best story you can tell to anyone :)




And this all made me also to think that I have had people around me listening to me all the time. Sometimes more, sometimes less, sometimes one, sometimes another, but always someone is there... And I don`t think I have said 'Thank You' for that yet. And I want these people to know, that they did make a difference in me. And that they mattered and I appreciate them for what they did and who they are even tho sometimes I forget to show that because of my negligence.
Thank you, who showed me that the broken road is not only about being a broken road, but also about learning the things we have to learn, seeing things we have to see and keeping true heart and following it wherever it might lead. You really saw me  for who I am even tho it seemed to be hidden somewhere deep inside. But you saw it! And you fought for it. You will always stay in my heart, because you never gave up on me and just went to what your heart told you. Thank you.

Thank you, who is there for me every single time I need someone to hear my story out. Thank you, for telling me things the way they are. And about ignoring the periods of silence we have once in a while. I know that you know, just like I do, that time doesn`t matter, because we are twins in our own special way. And we care of each other no matter what, when or why anything happens to us - I know that I can just call you and you`ll be there for me and the other way around. You are one of the most special people in my whole life. Thank you for accepting me with everything I do or don`t do. Thank you.

Thank you, who hurt me the most in my whole life so far. It might have been painful to live through it and to feel and experience the things I did, but it all just made me stronger and showed me that I have to value myself higher and that I have to put a limit to what I can or can`t accept in the attitude for me. It made me see things clearer and my views of life more vividly. And also thank you for letting me love you like that. I don`t regret that, because at least I know I can love like that. And that is a precious thing to know. I know I will never forget what I went through in all we experienced. And I hope I`ll know how to filter things that I want cherish and things I never want to experience again. But you gave me so much emotions - good and bad - that I wouldn`t know otherwise. Thank you.

Thank you, who has been patient enough to live through my hardest times and be a shoulder to count on, when I need one right on the spot. Thank you for accepting my disappearances and ignorances that I often threw your way. You complained, yes, but you never judged me. You still heard me out, you listened to whatever I had to say, you wanted to help and you never turned your back on me. We have laughed so much, even when both of us thought it`s not the time for laughs for either of us. You are a precious friend to have. Thank you.

Thank you, who took me to the biggest adventure I have ever been in my life so far! You got to know me in the hardest time of my life. And with all the crap that was on the surface, you - a complete stranger to me - somehow saw what`s inside there. You just KNEW me! You`ve filled me with a complete breath of fresh air when I needed it the most. You reminded me that there are still just simply good people around, that I need to start trusting people again. That sometimes all you need to do, is to have a little faith in someone. And to give the reins to someone else for a minute to get your own things cleared out and paid attention to. Thank you for reminding me that I am special and just right the way I am. And it might be that because of you I might become a dreamer again... I`ll never forget you. Thank you.

Thank you, who both, who are always worrying and caring for me. You are always in my heart wherever I go. You are my family, my friends and my guides in so many things. It might seem sometimes for you, that I am trying to escape from you, but in fact I just don`t understand how to contact you the way you both could understand me. What you both need to know, is that I am talking to you a lot. I am talking with you on a lonely Thursday evening when there is nobody home, I am talking to you when I have a volley-ball game and I want to share my excitement about it with someone, I am talking to you when run around the lakes and I am thinking of you both when go into regular shopping. You might not hear it every time, but I do. And I can do it, because you are in my heart always. Whatever I do, wherever I am - you are with me. And maybe I just don`t know how to address you, but never EVER think that I want to escape from you or avoid you. You are my family and I love you both just the way you are and no matter what. And I know you do too. And that is what I am thankful for - Thank you.

Thank you, who is always caring for me. You never stop terrorizing me with your calls or skype messages. You don`t even have to hear me to say, that something is wrong - you know that cause I am avoiding the world again. But you`re not letting me! You care all the time. You keep punching me back in the world. And your positivism and energy that you give in your daily life to others is so inspiring! You are where I want to be again. You are in peace with you, with others and you keep letting yourself open up to people and care for them the best you can. You are often my guide back to where I want to be. Thank you.

Thank you, who was a real friend when I had nowhere to go. Thank you, for being the only one who would care enough to come by and check up on me, when I was stuck in the room for days. And thank you for bringing up a smile there, when I felt so unhappy and fragile. It is inestimable how much it meant to not be left alone and forgotten while only in contact with an ignorant person. You were there and interested in what`s going on. You helped me then, you keep helping me whenever and however you can. You have a good and unselfish heart and that is just amazing. Thank you.

All of you, who I wrote about here, I really hope you see how special you are to me. And I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate having you around and I don`t take you for granted. You all are SO important in my life and I owe you a lot, especially for helping me out of my dark corner of life. Even if you didn`t know how much of an influence you made on me - I want you to see that your actions have made me happier and stronger person. And I can`t thank you enough.

And at last - thank you, beach, for letting your breeze refresh my mind and my thoughts, to see again the bigger picture of things around me and to appreciate them. I wouldn`t have done this without you :)

Santa