I`m thinking...

Here I am. Sitting in my room alone with candlelight and listening my favorite pieces of music and just thinking...   Thinking how the hell did I get to this. With no vision of life and just living for a moment after moment with no expectations, hoping that there would come a day when I suddenly see the reason in all. Feel the power in me again. Know that I can DO something about something!!! But how to reach it? I soooooo want to feel that reason in me again! I even think I am ready to start kicking it off and be really living again, but where is the motivation in me for that? Even if I know it is my life and I have to live it the best way I can, I still know that one day I will fall again and be hurt again. Sounds stupid I guess... Of course, everyone falls sometimes... But I just hoped there would be at least one thing in my life I could depend on. But nothing really is...

I admire people who can kick their own asses and just DO smth about the situation they are in! That WILLpower!!! Whatever that is - sitting on diet, quitting smoking, running every day or changing any habits you want to change for that matter. The willpower one should have for it is just admirable! And I have the need and hope for it too, but my willpower is just not strong enough. And that sucks! It`s like that emptiness is inside me every time and all the time. I just don`t know how to change it and get it all on the way again and keep moving. And honestly - I am already sick of this completely! Even I think of myself that this here is miserable and even writing about this in a blog is not really good idea. It`s been a long time now already - how long can it last?! GO AWAY STUPID EMPTINESS!!!! Nobody needs you here!!!

So I`m calling all dreamers - don`t you ever wake up, cause it is damn hard to get back to dreams again...